More Phone Fun

Since I’m on the subject of oddball ways of answering the phone…

I used to live in another small town. There was exactly one strip club in town, and its phone number was one frickin’ digit off from my personal phone number. I was always getting wrong numbers. I learned to deal with it.



“Hey, what’s the special tonight?”

I had no idea they ran specials, but…

“Two for one blowjobs in the backroom.”


A bit nastier, but he asked for it.



“Lemme talk to Monique.”

I tried playing it straight for once. “You calling Teasers? You’ve got the wrong number.” I hung up.

Phone rings again, same guy.

“Dammit, lemme talk to Monique now!”

Ooo-kay then. “Monique ain’t here. She just left with some guy and said she’d be back in an hour or so. Try then.”

I’m a bad person. To assholes.

Back before CallerID was ubiquitous, and telemarketers were human(ish), I had another way of screening them on my landline.

“Special Agent Smith, Telephone Fraud Division. How may I help you, sir or madame?”

The response to that one was invariably an instantaneous -click- of disconnect.


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2A advocate, writer, firearms policy & law analyst, general observer of pre-apocalyptic American life.

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